dear twirling pages,

it feels weird to write a letter to you (my blog) since i created you. (is this what motherhood feels like?) regardless, TWIRLING PAGES IS THREE YEARS OLD. today, august 18th, marks the day two of my loves were born into this world: twirling pages and percy jackson (exciting post regarding percy coming soon!).

do you ever think of what-if scenarios and spiral down a black hole? i can conjure a million in regards to you (le blog) because WHAT IF? what if i didn’t stumble upon a “bookstagram” post and create my account? what if i didn’t find a community of AMAZING PEOPLE? what if i wasn’t obsessed with ~aesthetic things~ or instagram? what if i didn’t spend so much time on the internet? what if i wasn’t lucky? the scenarios never end. but somehow – in this present universe we’re living in – you exist. somehow, i’ve made all the right choices, had the right moments, and said the right things. it feels magical. if things had gone differently – even just a touch – i don’t know if you’d be here. but three years later, we’re STILL here.

i love the number three. my favorite novel in series is usually the third (The Titan’s Curse; Cress; Revenge of the Wannabes); i always aimed for bronze over silver and gold (gold seemed impossible and silver was always so close); and three seems kinda perfect, not too much and not too less. it’s enough tries to really decide something. and three years is enough to either a) grow tired and give up or, b) thrive. against all odds, we’re still here.

for a looooooong while, i felt at crossroads. you seemed too good to give up, but i also felt drained and uninspired. i tried a lot of things: expanding to youtube, getting a new blog theme, taking a break, adding co-bloggers, straying from books, etc etc. however, every change made me feel happy and unsure, as most new beginnings and changes are. it felt like the right thing to do, but… how would others think? where are the comments/likes? is this stressful? what am i doing? should i just stop? it only gets worse, BUT. but, we’re still here.

i was listening to TED Radio Hour this morning and the episode was talking about time. one of the speakers was discussing change and the perception of time/age. it made me realize a few things:

1) i’ve been looking at you (@BLOG) in the wrong perspective.

when i started, i think i had an idea of how i wanted my “aesthetic” to be: pearly white, clean, tinted pink, and lowercase. it’s this image that i wanted to (and still kinda do) embody my being. for the most part, i still love and agree with it. but it was a static thing that could only mean so much. i didn’t realize, but i saw it as a dead thing. a cookie cutter version of what i thought was “perfect.” a filter to put over photoshopped photos – not something to live by.

2) you actually exist????

it seems ridiculous to be writing a blog post, about a blog, to a blog, on the said blog, but it somehow MAKES SENSE. twirling pages exists as i do. obviously differently, seeing as it exists through pixels on screens BUT, it exists nonetheless. and like me, it’s capable of change; it does so with every letter typed on wordpress drafts and post shared. i feel like a stuck record player because i keep talking about change and feeling uninspired but i think i actually got it this time. i’d always feel the need to update people on things like “hey! i’m doing BLAH now,” then proceed to apologize for not doing what i was before, or not keeping up with what i said i’d do. but if i were to compare that to real life, i wouldn’t apologize for changing my makeup because it’s my face. also, i’d just DO IT without having an existential crisis in the process. (maybe.)

3) you are a living embodiment of my brain (and a bunch of others as well).

and THAT is the reason you change and exist like a human – because YOU’RE ME. this blog is me (NO, DUH). this blog has always been an inconsistent mess (and i hated you for it) (@me @blog) but that’s because I’M an inconsistent mess. like, i never felt like i knew what i was doing (still don’t) but the same can be said for MY LIFE. but you know what, it’s fine; i’m getting by one post, one day at a time. since i have a few other co-bloggers to help me, it’s getting better now. (bless you, souls.) GO TEAM.

okay so, the DUMB part of all this is that i’m pretty sure i’ve known these facts for years. maybe right when i started this thing. but sometimes, you need to dig into the back of your brain, pull the contents out, and stick it on the top layer so you’ll never forget. sometimes, you don’t truly understand until you pull it apart and share it with others. and maybe, that’s why i’m still here.

always and forever,

alexandra

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TIME FOR A GIVEAWAY

i always get deep and em0 when i think too hard SO let’s lighten things up with a GIVEAWAY~~~~ celebrations and gift giving are the best so i hope you join in on the fun! i’ll be giving away a care package curated by yours truly, including books, stationery supplies, fandom merch, snacks, and MORE. this is open internationally! i truly want to say thank you thank you thank you for sticking with me for this long. i don’t know how you do it; i get tired of myself after two hours.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

terms & conditions

• you must be 18 or older OR have your parent’s consent to release a mailing address.
• you will be disqualified for picking up entires you didn’t do.
• you may only use one account to enter.
• if the winner doesn’t respond in 48 hours, i will choose another winner.
• i am not responsible for anything lost in the mail.

LOVE YOU THANKS FOR STAYING AROUND XOXOX