extroversion in the time of corona

first off, i’m back! if you don’t know me, i’m nicole (formerly known as nikki in the blogging world) and i was a book blogger for 6 years from 2012-2018. i tried coming back several times, but it never worked out because i was just so overwhelmed with school. after asking xan though (who has been one of my closest blogger friends for a while), she graciously allowed me to join twirling pages as a co-blogger. so you’ll definitely be seeing me around more often!

anyways

we’re in the midst of a mild-level apocalypse – or at least, that’s what it feels like. as my friend has been saying, “the world is straight-up dystopian right now.” that is to say, everyone’s lives have been disrupted in some way or other, mass hysteria is rising, prejudice is rearing its heads, and the world is changed every morning when i open my eyes.

and while there are certainly stronger worries and bigger losses in the world right now, I’m writing this post in the middle of my quarantine, and there’s no denying that the past few days have been some of the most painful for me. i am someone who quite literally thrives off social interaction. typically, a single day without having a real conversation or interaction with someone will drain me and leave me completely unmotivated to do anything else. eating alone, studying alone–these are all things i absolutely hate and make me feel so unbelievably lonely. at college, i’m never in my dorm. instead, you can always find me in some shared study space with the highest chance of me running into people i know.

weird, isn’t it? i feel as though most people i know are the opposite–or at least, if they’re extroverted, it’s not to this extent.

so, suffice to say, social distancing has been a difficult rule to follow and quarantine has been especially hard to swallow. so here are just a few defining characteristics of my life recently, as an extrovert:

quarantine resolutions

an incredibly common coping mechanism right now–the need to stay busy and distracted. and i am definitely no different. i’ve declared my desire to accomplish a great number of things during this time, a great number of skills to achieve: video editing, digital art, reading, dancing, you name it. i’ve started dabbling in almost everything in an effort to keep any boredom and loneliness at bay. i’m realizing, however, that boredom isn’t necessarily the greatest hindrance–it’s the lack of motivation. with so much happening in the world, but having to stay inside at all times, i’ve found myself struggling to find the motivation and passion to pursue these solitary hobbies. typically, i find motivation in the people around me. like i said, i hate studying alone because frankly, i’m at my most unproductive when trying to study alone. i’m an expert and distracting myself, and when i’m alone, there’s just no one to stop me.

new friends

ah, but shockingly, i’ve also managed to make friends during this quarantine. funny how that works, isn’t it? but as quarantine and social distancing are slowly making people go stir-crazy, more and more people are turning to social media. some old acquaintances have reached out to catch up, some people i barely know have started responding to my stories on social media, but here’s the best part for someone like me: people are starting to respond a lot faster and people are much more willing to give you their undivided attention during a facetime because–well, there’s just nothing else to be distracted by. i’ve surprisingly become a lot closer with people who were only acquaintances beforehand and i’ve begun to feel much more comfortable in reaching out to people i may not have otherwise. as a result, some of the people i talk to almost daily now are people i never really messaged beforehand either. getting to know new people, no matter the circumstances, has been absolutely amazing and something that i have appreciated recently.

facetimes

but, of course, i’ve also been keeping in touch with many of my old friends–high school, vanderbilt, and cornell friends. (i transferred from vanderbilt to cornell this semester, for context). every day i have from around 3-6 facetimes, each one anywhere between 1-4 hours long. sometimes it’s all conversation, sometimes we watch a movie together, and other times we just leave each other on for the company. it’s frustrating to know that some of my best and closest friends are within a five minute drive and i can’t see them, but facetimes do help so much in ensuring i don’t go absolutely and completely insane while stuck inside my house.

loneliness

all that being said, quarantine and isolation are still, without a doubt, incredibly lonely. no matter how many facetimes i jump on and no matter how much i love catching up, it’s just not the same as being able to see my friends in real life or grabbing dinner at our favorite spot. honestly, on day 3 of quarantine, a few tears were shed after i made a mini compilation of some videos i had with my friends because i just missed that so much. i’ve genuinely never felt so drained and unmotivated, but i’m keeping my chin up and steadily learning to be!! more!! independent!! (with very mixed results) not knowing when this will end is excruciating, but again, there are worse problems to have.

stay safe everyone and stay inside if you can! much love from texas to wherever you are.