why i don’t speak up on social justice

for the past three or four years of blogging (echm after 2016 election), i’ve been quieter than i could about social justice causes. i speak openly about my thoughts on fashion’s environmental impact, and ways we could live more sustainably, but stay quiet about sudan’s refugee crisis, america’s immigration policy, and in the book blogging realm, the price of book blogging.

since 2016, i feel like twitter (in particular) has been a dumpster fire of unnecessary drama. but i can understand why this so-called drama unfolds. it’s important for the under-represented to speak up and be heard. it’s important for people to talk about taboo subjects and get uncomfortable. BUT. for some reason, as a second-generation chinese-american woman, i can’t bring myself to speak up about things that “actually matter.”

this is something i knew, but didn’t think too much about until the most recent controversy over CW @ the quiet pond’s post about the cost of book blogging. if you don’t know what happened, pretty much: there were some old white people who didn’t check their privilege and degraded a bunch international book bloggers in the community. not everyone has the free time and money to blog on their porch with a white picket fence, joe.

anyway. seeing all these interactions and the anger on my timeline reminded me why i don’t engage. it reminded me why i stopped talking as vocally about social justice causes after the 2016 election. it seems so futile. it’s sad really. i think i lost hope in humanity, in a sense. there will always be some stupid and stubborn over-privileged old man who SOMEHOW wins. or not necessarily WIN, but it’s like talking to a wall so nothing changes, your time and energy is wasted, and it feeeels like they won. the people who were originally loud and angry stay loud and angry and NOTHING IS SOLVED.

so why should i bother?

but writing this now, i realize my mentality is flawed. if i never say anything, then there’s 0 chance of any change. people probably won’t change, but you can’t lose hope and stop trying. often times i’ll think about all the problems in the world and feel so powerless and overwhelmed. what’s the point of trying to change the minds of those who aren’t open to change? in many ways, i’ve given up on humanity but not on the world itself (aka why i talk about the environment, but not about people). 

a lot of times, the things we argue about feels useless and pointless. i want to scream and rage about everything that is wrong with the refugee crisis, the wage gap, lack of diverse representation, immigration policies, etc etc etc. BUT. harmful bills are still passed; racism continues; children are in literal detainment camps. it just makes me SO SAD. here i am, worrying about what to have for lunch, but EVERYTHING IS GOING TO HELL. (okay, i remember why i don’t think or talk about this.) 

what makes me better than the next privileged person who doesn’t use their privilege for good? nothing. (time to wallow in my self-rage!!!) so. i’m going to try to speak up a little more – even if it’s hard especially if it’s hard. however, sometimes the best we could do is support those who are making Big Moves, and that’s fine. because taking care of yourself is more important than trying to scream at ignorant people walls.

at the end of the day, we can only pick and chose what to help. we are all trying our best. even the ones who rage silently. even the ones who subtly like and rt the louder ones. i hope you’re doing what you can to make the world a better place. 

yours truly,

a silently screaming but very tired Alexandra