(^the screen i’ve been seeing for the past two months.)
well, i’ve been writing a lot lately. no, not because i’ve finally figured out how to hammer one of those little novel idea seeds into an actual working plot, but because it’s the senior year of high school—and that means college applications.
i’ve been blogging since 2011…or 2012? (since the beginning of middle school, for sure) and i’ve seen tens of hundreds of other bloggers going through the college application process throughout the past 7 years. tens of hundreds of high school seniors struggling to figure out where they’re applying to, how to write their essays, and going through the agonizing wait between clicking submit on the common app and getting that “congratulations!” or “we regret to inform you…” email. yet, despite seeing this process over and over again, i’m a bit surprised by it.
college application essays are some of the hardest i’ve ever had to write, but also some of the essays i’ve been most grateful to write. shocker, right? it is to me—i never expected myself to gain a kind of fondness for these essays, after all. but here’s the thing: in these essays, you’re pitching yourself to colleges. you’re condensing yourself into 650 words (more or less) and hoping that the admissions officers will manage to comprehend a 3d version of you from the stark black text that you’re submitting. being able to do that requires knowing yourself well. very well. and what kind of 17 year old knows themselves that well?
so there’s been a lot of self-reflection lately, a lot of remembering buried childhood memories, and a helluva lot thinking about who i am versus who i want to be. i’ve been digging through a lot of poetry and prose, trying to figure out how to display myself in words as well as those artists do. honestly, i’m spending more time on the pre-writing than the actual writing of my essays, but i’m getting there. or, you know, i think i am? (who knows. i’m completely rewriting my common app for the 12th time—and for once that’s not an exaggeration.)
i’m enjoying it at least—as much as i can enjoy something that’s so stressful at the same time. there’s a certain kind of satisfaction that comes when you finish an essay about yourself and a certain kind of epiphany that comes that says oh wow. this actually is who i am.
anyways, just a check in as to why i’ve been so mia (even though I kind of always am…I PROMISE THAT WILL CHANGE SOON. PROMISE). also writing this post was a nice break from all the essays (and by break, i mean total procrastination).
P.S. where are all the YA novels that have college applications in them? senior year is not complete without college applications. i’m eyeing all those contemporary romance novels right now for lying to me about the fact that drama and romance would be the most stressful things in senior year.
P.P.S. it’s honestly impossible for me to write anything that’s not at least vaguely purple in prose?? for some reason, it’s strange realizing i have a distinct writing style.