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TWIRLING PAGES IS THREE YEARS OLD ♡ an open letter, some realizations, and a giveaway!

August 18, 2017

dear twirling pages,

it feels weird to write a letter to you (my blog) since i created you. (is this what motherhood feels like?) regardless, TWIRLING PAGES IS THREE YEARS OLD. today, august 18th, marks the day two of my loves were born into this world: twirling pages and percy jackson (exciting post regarding percy coming soon!).

do you ever think of what-if scenarios and spiral down a black hole? i can conjure a million in regards to you (le blog) because WHAT IF? what if i didn’t stumble upon a “bookstagram” post and create my account? what if i didn’t find a community of AMAZING PEOPLE? what if i wasn’t obsessed with ~aesthetic things~ or instagram? what if i didn’t spend so much time on the internet? what if i wasn’t lucky? the scenarios never end. but somehow – in this present universe we’re living in – you exist. somehow, i’ve made all the right choices, had the right moments, and said the right things. it feels magical. if things had gone differently – even just a touch – i don’t know if you’d be here. but three years later, we’re STILL here.

i love the number three. my favorite novel in series is usually the third (The Titan’s Curse; Cress; Revenge of the Wannabes); i always aimed for bronze over silver and gold (gold seemed impossible and silver was always so close); and three seems kinda perfect, not too much and not too less. it’s enough tries to really decide something. and three years is enough to either a) grow tired and give up or, b) thrive. against all odds, we’re still here.

for a looooooong while, i felt at crossroads. you seemed too good to give up, but i also felt drained and uninspired. i tried a lot of things: expanding to youtube, getting a new blog theme, taking a break, adding co-bloggers, straying from books, etc etc. however, every change made me feel happy and unsure, as most new beginnings and changes are. it felt like the right thing to do, but… how would others think? where are the comments/likes? is this stressful? what am i doing? should i just stop? it only gets worse, BUT. but, we’re still here.

i was listening to TED Radio Hour this morning and the episode was talking about time. one of the speakers was discussing change and the perception of time/age. it made me realize a few things:

1) i’ve been looking at you (@BLOG) in the wrong perspective.

when i started, i think i had an idea of how i wanted my “aesthetic” to be: pearly white, clean, tinted pink, and lowercase. it’s this image that i wanted to (and still kinda do) embody my being. for the most part, i still love and agree with it. but it was a static thing that could only mean so much. i didn’t realize, but i saw it as a dead thing. a cookie cutter version of what i thought was “perfect.” a filter to put over photoshopped photos – not something to live by.

2) you actually exist????

it seems ridiculous to be writing a blog post, about a blog, to a blog, on the said blog, but it somehow MAKES SENSE. twirling pages exists as i do. obviously differently, seeing as it exists through pixels on screens BUT, it exists nonetheless. and like me, it’s capable of change; it does so with every letter typed on wordpress drafts and post shared. i feel like a stuck record player because i keep talking about change and feeling uninspired but i think i actually got it this time. i’d always feel the need to update people on things like “hey! i’m doing BLAH now,” then proceed to apologize for not doing what i was before, or not keeping up with what i said i’d do. but if i were to compare that to real life, i wouldn’t apologize for changing my makeup because it’s my face. also, i’d just DO IT without having an existential crisis in the process. (maybe.)

3) you are a living embodiment of my brain (and a bunch of others as well).

and THAT is the reason you change and exist like a human – because YOU’RE ME. this blog is me (NO, DUH). this blog has always been an inconsistent mess (and i hated you for it) (@me @blog) but that’s because I’M an inconsistent mess. like, i never felt like i knew what i was doing (still don’t) but the same can be said for MY LIFE. but you know what, it’s fine; i’m getting by one post, one day at a time. since i have a few other co-bloggers to help me, it’s getting better now. (bless you, souls.) GO TEAM.

okay so, the DUMB part of all this is that i’m pretty sure i’ve known these facts for years. maybe right when i started this thing. but sometimes, you need to dig into the back of your brain, pull the contents out, and stick it on the top layer so you’ll never forget. sometimes, you don’t truly understand until you pull it apart and share it with others. and maybe, that’s why i’m still here.

always and forever,



i always get deep and em0 when i think too hard SO let’s lighten things up with a GIVEAWAY~~~~ celebrations and gift giving are the best so i hope you join in on the fun! i’ll be giving away a care package curated by yours truly, including books, stationery supplies, fandom merch, snacks, and MORE. this is open internationally! i truly want to say thank you thank you thank you for sticking with me for this long. i don’t know how you do it; i get tired of myself after two hours.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

terms & conditions

  • you must be 18 or older OR have your parent’s consent to release a mailing address.
  • you will be disqualified for picking up entires you didn’t do.
  • you may only use one account to enter.
  • if the winner doesn’t respond in 48 hours, i will choose another winner.
  • i am not responsible for anything lost in the mail.


Alexandra Ling

alexandra is a nineteen-year-old content creator and avid reader. when she's not on the internet or hiding behind pages, you can find her training to be a professional ballet dancer. she finds writing about herself in third-person strange.

  • Lara

    Hey!! Congratulations on turning three!! I’ve always envied your blog and how pretty it is, I love the blog design and I love your writing! Three years is amazing and I’m looking forwards to reading more posts 🙂

  • Congratulations on your 3yr Blogversary! I had my 3rd year milestone earlier this year and looking back it is amazing how much my blog and I have grown. But if we are talking fears I am still not brave enough for audio or video so my youtube profile is just for watching and following. Thank you for the giveaway – especially that its international.

  • Happy 3rd blogiversarry! 😀
    Your blog are superbly beautiful! <3 Well, I guess Firebird series somehow makes me questions lots of things though I love that book very much! 🙂 Anyway, thank you so much for the giveaway 😀

  • Lujain

    Happy Anniversary!! I sincerely love all your blog posts✨ I always find whatever you post aesthetically pleasing. I sometimes tend to think about that too. I barely post pictures on my IG due to wanting it to be perfect and comparing my feed to others etc.

  • AH YAY it’s international! Your blog is soo prettyyy! <3 I LOVE IT! Just started following you. 3 years is an AMAZING feat! Cracking books on spines give me an existential crisis!

  • Jill

    Ahh congrats Xan! I’ve been blogging almost as long as you AHHH <3 <3

  • Amanda @ Vivalabooks

    CONGRATS ON 3 YEARS!! I always enjoy seeing your bookstagram books & your book aesthetic tweets! Keep doing you!!!

  • Zara D. Garcia-Alvarez

    Congratulations on your blogaversary! I’ve been bloggling for five years so I understand the work and commitment involved. Bravo!

  • Maria L

    Congratulations!!! Three years passed so fast! I love your blog, the aesthetics of the photos and I must say, I was absolutely in love with Doramas after watching a video in which you recommended W: Two Worlds, I never stopped watching after that!
    I look forward to a video about ballet! <3
    (Fingers crossed for the giveaway!)

  • Hi! don´t give up for needing some time out. I gave up my blog for kinda those reasons and regret deeply. Hope for another 3 more years of yours! xoxo

  • CONGRATULATION TO MY FAVOURITE BOOK RELATED BLOG EVER! I’m so happy and proud of you ♥. Korean dramas are my weakness (Strong Woman Do Bong Soon and Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok Joo destroyed me, Introverted Boss had me in shook and W – Two Worlds is my current obsession). K-pop is also ruining my life – in good way ofc. Lyric to ‘some’ BTS songs is getting me like T_T….
    OMG, REMINDER!!! I need to finish Percy asap. One last book and I’m finished T_T.

  • kels ♡

    Hey!! Congrats on turning three! Thats so huge! xxxx

  • awwwwwweee i got so teary eyed reading this post. i can’t believe it’s been three years. WHAT. i still remember so clearly reading one of your earliest posts about how to gain inspiration & your favourites….i feel like i may be conflating the two a bit but i just remember reading about your love for rookie mag, ted talks, yoga, and acai bowls and being like WOW I LOVE THIS GIRL ALREADY. it rly is such a crazy thing to think about how many individual actions lead us to this moment here & now. it’s crazy to think about all the things that had to lead to you starting this blog & also all the things that had to happen for me to create my blog and then somehow for our paths to converge??? it’s so weird but I APPRECIATE IT SO MUCH bc my life is 10x better knowing you! you are such an inspiration HONESTLY. i admire how you’re able to do SO much w your blog, instagram, youtube, etc etc while also juggling being a ballet dancer! and how everything you do is always still of such high quality!!! you’re also just like the nicest person ever?? so anyway here’s to your three years of blogging!!! that is such a huge achievement, CONGRATULATIONS. and i’m so honoured to be able to call you a friend bc you’re so awesome <33333

  • Nomunomu

    I know how it feelssss my blog my brainchild. You need to keep goinggg! You can do this💪

  • Nomunomu

    I had this existential crisis whenever I finish a good book. Why no one like the characters exist in real life? I need them in my life. I don’t wanna live my life. And also boybands why do they torture me like this(them dancing sexily)! what have I done to deserve this torture?

  • Noon Apisaksiri

    Thank you for hosting this giveaway! Big fan of your page. My answer is definitely when I finish a good show or a good book. The suspense is too much to bare haha

  • aww CONGRATS and happy third birthday to your blog!! you are definitely one of my very favorite book blogs and i can’t wait to see where your blog goes in the future! i admire you so much and i’m so thankful that i get to read your blog <3 and having too many tabs open on my computer gives me existential crises lol.

  • Tamera Nicol

    Congrats on three years with your blog. I have been following a few years ago ever since I have been following your bookstagram. My existential crisis is when I so many books to read but so little time. Now I have an endless TBR book pile of all the books I want to read.

  • CONGRATULATIONS and happy birthday to your blog! Twirling Pages is honestly one of my favourite book blogs out there *heart eyes* thinking about all the amazing books I want to read but also how much homework I have for uni gives me an existential crisis because why can’t i have more days in the week???

  • aaaah happy blogiversary xan! thank you for letting me on your blog and i can’t believe its been three years. swear to god it goes by hella fast huh? my existential crisis is always when i realize that i’m behind on my reading challenge (oops!) <3

  • HAPPY BLOGIVERSARY! And I find that nothing gives me an existential crisis except for me and when I get thinking and moody! And this open letter is so wonderful, thank you for sharing <3

  • Mafalda Nunes

    HAPPY BLOGIVERSARYYYYY!!! The thing that gives me existencial crisis are book or TV series that take me back to my childhood, like Harry Potter, The Vampire Diaries, Twilight… and also food that remind me of my childhood like lasagna, hot dogs and other lovely portuguese foods.

  • Taasia

    Happy Blog Birthday!! My bookish existential crises is reading a series starter or a sequel with an awful ending (i.e cliffhangers) because it kills me, and finishing a really good book, because I sometimes get a book slump and/or hangover.

  • TaraM

    HAPPY BLOG BIRTHDAY XAN! This is really amazing, i only found you blog last year and ever since i have really looked forward to every one of your posts, thanks so much for inspiring me to spend more time on my own blog xx.

  • Nikita Rajkumar

    AHH HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU AND YOUR BLOG!! I feel like your blog is an extended version of yourself so it must be both of your birthdays right? (great logic here I know) I have many existential crises like when I can’t get my hands on the next book in a series, when there is no longer a steady supply of Reese’s PBC and also when I’ve not read a book and someone spoils it. UGH IT GETS ME EVERY TIME xx Lots of love for the many many years to come xx Nikita

    BLOG//Jasmine Loves

  • Fay Tannerr

    Congrats on your 3 year blogiversary!! I’ve been following your blog for about a year now, and I absolutely adore it! Things that give me an existential crisis are cliffhangers: in tv shows and books. Thanks for hosting this incredible giveaway and Happy Blog Birthday!!

  • Nina Lannister

    Happy bloggoversary!!!! I am a fan of so many stuff… for example: got game me crisis (I am book reader) twd give me crisis as well (i read the comic) so… books and tv series.
    thanks a lot fo this giveaway

  • WhatWrenReads

    Happy blogiversary! I’m a big movie fan so a lot of movies give me existential crises’ LOL one that I remember giving me that feeling is ‘Busters Mal Heart’!

  • Elke

    Wow, three years, congrats! I’d wonder if I was looking at myself in the future, but no, your blog looks so much better and has an aesthetic that would never work for me 😀
    I totaly get your existential crisis thing! I get it from books fairly often, but it can honestly be everything that sparks a chain of thoughts that end up with me doubting whatever I’m doing and why. Pretty tiring, but always interesting 🙂

  • Marley Millar

    I can’t believe it’s been THREE YEARS! 🎉 You are by far my absolute favorite book blogger, booktuber, bookstagrammer.. you getvthe point! 😛 The last book I read that gave me an extesential crisis was probably Everything, Everything. As for movies, the BEST extesential crisises I’ve had have been with M. Night Shyamalan films. They’re AMAZING!

  • Happy 3 years blogiversary!!! This is amazing! I love the open letter and I love your blog and youtube!

  • hanabilqisthi

    Happy blogversary 😊🎉🎉 When I was younger, I felt like I have to tell the world about everything too so your story is relatable. So glad to know that now you learn it is okay to change 😊 Story that feel relatable for me. I think being blogger and bookstagrammer somerime give me existential crisis 😊😁

  • Happy Blog-anniversary! ლ(●ↀωↀ●)ლ
    I really enjoy reading your posts. I like your blog in general; the design and pictures.
    I hope you continue blogging and doing youtube videos.
    btw something that gives me an existential crisis is me trying to save my drawing because it just gets worse!

  • Ichabod Temperance

    Congratulations, Alexandra!

  • samtasia

    congratulations! it’s awesome that you were able to stick with this blog for so long. and here’s to many more years!
    what gives me an existential crisis? going back to school and the AMOUNT of books I want to buy but can’t because I have no money 🙁

  • Caitlin

    Books and tv shows give me an existential crisis xD also seeing my friends becoming more accomplished than me hah 🙁

  • Alexandra Perc

    Happy bloganniversary! The most furstrating thing for me is the careful way I must write my reviews, so I won’t tell anything bad about authors, people or cause misunderstandings! Thank you for the giveaway!

  • Cailin Duffy

    happy blogiversary!! its seriously amazing that you stuck with this for so long, congrats!!

  • ❤ Delaney ❤

    The news always gives me an existential crisis haha 😂

    Congrats on three years though! That’s super awesome!

  • Congrats on 3 years!! I love Twirling Pages & hope you keep doing it for a long time!! I think emotional books like Forgive Me, Leonard Peacock & Fangirl give me an existential crisis!

  • Helen Chan

    CONGRATS on 3 years! I love your blog!! My existential crisis are when books have good beginnings then the later half of the book starts getting boring. Also, when the endings don’t end how I want it to end or leaves me on a cliffhanger.

  • Emily Dang

    I am so happy for you! Three years is amazing and the blog is still going strong! What causes an existential crisis for me… SUITS. WHY IS MY LIFE NOT SUITS.

  • happy three years!!! your blog is one of my favorites so here’s to another year!!! (we are the ants gave me like 15 existential crises whilst reading it so i definitely recommend!!)

  • Congrats on three years Xan!! I’m so glad I stumbled upon your blog two years ago and that it became one of my favorites and that we became buds 🙂 I loved this letter, too

  • Kayleena Shantz

    happy three years! your instagram and youtube still amaze me bc aesthetic. (and i don’t mean to say that and hold you up on a pedestal and expect things from you!!!! i like you as you lol) i think every book gives me an existential crisis bc my life is so ordinary and normal while kids in books that are my age are fighting off monsters and demons and secretly have super powers. idk lol.

  • Zaira Fernando

    Happy three years of blogging! I first found you on bookstagram when you were starting and I’m so happy that you’ve grown into having a blog & a youtube channel since then <3 to answer your question, tbh every book I read that's coming-of-age gives me an existential crisis haha

  • Rui Ann

    CONGRATS ON THREE YEARS OF BLOGGING!!! i only found out your blog last year through your bookstagram and omg i LOVE LOVE LOVE all the twirlingpages accounts 99(it means a long time in chinese‘’久久‘’/ ”will continue loving your accounts for a long time” in malaysian slang heheh) KDRAMAS GIVE ME EXISTENTIAL CRISIS BC HOW CAN HUMANS BE SO BEAUTIFUL AND DO THINGS SO SMOOTH I MEAN I CANT EVEN WALK PROPERLY WITHOUT TRIPPING OVER MY OWN FEET????

    not to mention people who become very successful at a young age bc the only thing i succeed right now in is being a coach potato idk.

  • Just wanted to congratulate you on three years of blogging 😀 CONGRATS. <3 That is so so amazing 🙂

  • Shelby Scott

    CONGRATS ON 3 YEARS OF BOOK BLOGGING!!! Sarah Dessen & Morgan Matson’s books have always given me existential crises. One Tree Hill does that to me too lol!

  • Autumn

    Congrats, yay blogaversary!! The news is definitely my existential crisis right now!!

  • Phili Memela

    Congrats on three years of blogging 🎉Jojo Moyes and Grimm have given me existential crises

  • Eleventh Myth

    Congrats Alexandra! Hope you will achieve more great things with the growing audience of Twirling Pages!

  • Laura Camargo

    Yayyyy!! Karen Marie monining and Sarah j maas always give me the worst heart attacks but it hurts soo good 💙💙💙💙

  • Carolina

    Congratulations! I’m sure you’ll achieve more amazing things with your amazing blog ❤️❤️❤️

  • Sara Addams

    congrats !!! this is an amazing giveaway <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

  • Congratulations on three years of blogging, this is so incredible <3 I love your blog so much, hoping to read more and more of your blog posts in the upcoming months and years! <3 That was such a lovely post.

  • Alison Salazar

    I love your blog, it is really amazing!!! I love your book reviews and your bookish posts. Thank you for sharing it with me ❤️

  • Alison Salazar

    Congratulations on your three year anniversary 👏🎉🎁.

  • Antonela Ríos

    Oh, what an emotional and adorable post! ♥ Happy blogiversary, Twirling Pages! And congratulations, Alexandra, for making this blog so beautiful and for the content and the dedication you put in every single post and every single picture. Definitely, one of my favorite blogs! =D
    What gives me an existencial crisis? Many things, many books… But right now, with the whole GoT thing, well… GAME OF THRONES! And now that season 7 is over, and I have to wait like, two years, for a new season… What am I supposed to do with my life until then?

    • Antonela Ríos

      And I can’t wait for your Percy Jackson post! ♥ ♥ ♥

  • Graciela Fateche

    Psychological thrillers give me existencial crisis. Those books really make me question my mental health ahahaha Congratulations on three years with this GORGEOUS blog, girlie! 😀 😀 😀 😀